On Crossroads (again)

Which call will you heed? PhD or NGO?

Choose your three letters wisely.

May I hear Your Will and follow It.

#NothingWithoutFaith #NeverWithoutPassion #AllforKuyaJess <><

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Evening Journal 1

I dressed up today because your mom said on her post to dress up to show love for you. Maybe you think it’s funny because we’ve never even met. But that’s the beauty of life – we don’t know how far our influence can go. Your story somehow reached me through your mom. Your story is inspiring. They say that it does not matter how long you live, but how much you’ve loved and you were loved. Short your life might be, but from an outsider’s point of view, it seems you lived it fully. :)

I stood there by your casket and you looked beautiful and at peace. The floral tiara looked very nice on you. You were exactly as your mom described you on her posts – a princess. I stood there to pray and beside me you saw my friend. I guess you know by now. It’s funny how he is always so near me, but at the same time also seem so far away. Because I have to keep my distance. You saw the other one, yes? The one who did not go in front to see you for fear that she might cry because she has a little girl herself. There is still a lot I need to learn (like not thinking about these thoughts during a funeral?). Maybe that’s why I’m still here on earth; I still haven’t learned my lesson.

Thank you for your story. May I live my life to the MAX, as you did. Rest well now, beautiful princess. I’ll be praying for you and your family.

Morning Journal 1

They say just keep writing and dump your thoughts out. Timer is already ticking. 10 minutes.

I feel like I can do more. I feel somewhat more relaxed this year than the past two years. It seemed like 2017 and 2018 was a year of deliberate work. 2019 is becoming a year of deliberate rest. Well, not completely. There’s still that book chapter to write, the HEED Week event on July (which still doesn’t have a clear funding source! OMG.), an upcoming Earth Day event, and the PhD application, among others. There’s still stuff to do (which is great!), but I have more time for things outside work now (which is double great!).

Been listening to a podcast about Eckhart Tolle’s book, “A New Earth” and I am reminded of the Buddhist practice of being present. The podcast, coupled with Glennon Doyle Melton’s book, “Love Warrior,” caused me to literally confront the so-called “pain body” last month. I experienced what people say that being human is messy and scary, but beautiful nonetheless.

Ok. 10 minutes is almost out. I need to focus more on getting things out of my head and into writing without rereading over and over again!

On Broken Radars

“Rejection is God’s protection.”

– heard from someone in church

I want to tell him so much that he deserves a love that is whole. Walang kahati. But who am I to say what he deserves? Who am I to judge that the love he is receiving is not whole? So I do not say anything and just remain who I’ve always been to him — a friend.

Being friendly is both my blessing and curse, it seems. 

On Remembering

“We, as university-educated students, did not know how to learn from the tired, the poor, the silent huddled masses yearning to breathe free. We were clearly not hearing what they were trying to tell us. We did not know how to listen. We were educated in another language, using foreign concepts. We used textbooks that told us more of the conditions of the white man and not of our own people.”

Learn from the People (Commencement speech given by Dr. José M. Tiongco to the Mindanao State University College of Medicine Class 2006, Lanao Del Norte)

“I believe that a university education, especially in UP, has to do with the constant search for what is good, what is true, and what is beautiful, no matter how polluted these concepts may have become through their constant prostitution for personal motive and gain.”

Belong to the Land, Belogn to Others (Commencement speech given by Dr. José M. Tiongco to the University of the Philippines Mindanao Class 2006, Davao City)

I read the quotes above from a book by Dr. Ting Tiongco called, “Surgeons Do Not Cry: On Becoming a Doctor in the Philippines.” I bought my copy when I first visited the UPper Shelf, a relatively new bookstore at the UP Town Center carrying titles from the UP Press (UP faculty gets a discount! :D ). The book is a pleasant read even for those who are not in the field of medicine. I personally enjoyed it because it’s like a glimpse of a medical student’s life at the Philippine General Hospital (PGH). I felt like I was watching a TV series as I read through each chapter. It’s also very well-written (but I might be wrong, I’m not an expert critic. haha.). There’s humor blended in its formality.

I guess it’s timely to post about this book because the author talked about his experiences in PGH during the martial law. May his words in the quotes above serve as reminders for us to never forget that we, the people of this country, are responsible for each other. May we constantly search for “what is good, what is true, and what is beautiful.”

On Mentorship

Today’s lesson from my mentor:

IF by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you   
    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,   
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
    But make allowance for their doubting too;   
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;   
    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;   
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
    And treat those two impostors just the same;   
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
    And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
    To serve your turn long after they are gone,   
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,   
    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
    If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,   
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,   
    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!